Girls' Night
by Laura909
Summary: The witches on the Hogwarts staff have a girls night. Minerva doesn't approve of the gossip and suggestions put forth by the other staff, namely Rolanda Hooch and Pomona Sprout. Implied MMAD
1. Chapter 1

**While working on my other story, I kept thinking about this idea I had. I intended this to be a oneshot but I am considering writing another chapter or two if there is any interest. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy it. **

**By the way, I mention two other members of staff not widely known. Aurora Sinistra who is the Astronomy Professor, and Septima Vector who is the Arithmacy Professor. **

**As always, I don't own Harry Potter, but I like to borrow Rowling's characters. **

Minerva had just finished supervising detention with Fred and George Weasley for the thousandth time. She was headed towards the staff room where some of the female staff gathered to have a bit of fun away from the students and headmaster. The others insisted on calling this occasion a "Girls Night," but Minerva though it wasn't quite accurate.

Approaching the door, Minerva heard giggles and wished she could have been there on time. Detention seemed to be more of a punishment to the staff rather than to those particular students. They always seemed to enjoy their detentions.

Pushing the door open she walked in as Rolanda Hooch pointed out, "Why don't you ask Minerva." This apparently was hilarious as the other witches in attendance were practically doubled over in laughter.

She probably didn't want to know, but asked regardless, "Ask me what?" As the others gradually calmed down, Minerva poured herself a cup of tea and sat down in one of the comfy chairs.

Curiously looking around at the rest of the group, Minerva noted that Poppy was blushing furiously while Rolanda and Pomona were looking pretty pleased with themselves. Aurora and Septima were trying not to look at her, while Sybil was replenishing her sherry, no doubt for the third or fourth time.

Minerva was willing to just move on, but after a long pause, Rolanda Hooch decided that was not acceptable. "Well…To make a long story short, we noticed that Aberforth and Poppy were looking a little lonely."

Minerva along with everyone else was looking at Poppy who was hiding her face in her hands, but even her ears were a bright red at this point.

Rolanda pretended to glare at Pomona as she explained, "Poppy didn't think my suggestions were worthwhile, and Pomona here for some reason tried to talk her out of it."

Again there was a round of giggles and Pomona Sprout jumped in to defend herself. "I wasn't suggesting anything. I just pointed out that Aberforth does have quite the impressive beard and that it might tickle."

Minerva tried to contain her mirth at the Hufflepuff's ability to say whatever was on her mind. With Pomona constantly speaking her mind and Rolanda's crazy schemes, these "Girls Nights" were typically very entertaining. Even though it was just a harmless laugh, she did feel bad for Poppy who happened to be the subject of their jokes this evening.

Then surprisingly a slightly intoxicated Sibyl chimed in, "Thas when Rola told 'er to aks you."

Everyone just stared at Sibyl for a moment. She rarely ever said anything at these little get togethers. They just assumed she came to have an excuse to drink. Who knew she was actually paying attention?

Then Minerva realized what she had said. Why would they ask her about Aberforth and..?

Turning to question Rolanda, she couldn't even put together a whole sentence. "I hope you don't think I have any expertise when it comes to…uh, why am I even..?" Pausing for a moment she summed up all her questions with just one word, "Aberforth?"

"No, no, no, don't be ridiculus," Rolanda laughed, "I was talking about Albus Dumbledore our esteemed Headmaster who also has an impressive beard."

At this point Rolanda was practically rolling around in the floor. Pomona Sprout had a laughter induced coughing spell and Poppy was trying to pat her on the back while looking very relived at the change of subject.

Minerva was even more confused. "What are you going on about Rolanda Hooch? I thought you were talking about Aberforth"

Rolanda sat up stopped laughing and lightly slapped her own face a few times until she stopped smiling and explained it very carefully, "We would all like to know if Albus' beard tickles when you two play chess." Finishing her question, she made sure to raise an eyebrow suggestively.

"What," Minerva almost yelled, "are you implying?"

"Oh, it's really very simple. It is a four letter word. The first letter is "s" and the last letter is "g."

Rolanda went to return to her chair, when Pomona whispered quite loudly, "It could be two words, which one were you talking about?"

The room was suddenly deathly quiet, (except for Sibyl's snoring) as Minerva stood up and walked over to Madame Hooch. The other professors were still as they recognized that look in McGonagall's eyes that meant somebody was going to lose a limb.

"Rolanda Hooch, while you may think you are clever, I can assure you that the Headmaster and I have never considered either of your improper suggestions and I would thank you to keep your assumptions and accusations to yourself."

With Rolanda stunned into silence, or magically silenced, Minerva then turned to Pomona Sprout. "Don't think I forgot who suggested the topic to begin with Pomona. I encourage you to watch your step as well."

With one last pointed glare, Minerva turned and exited the room walking very briskly towards her quarters as she mumbled to herself about overrated romances and nosy witches.

As the door closed she could hear another round of laughter as Rolanda asked, "What is the other word?"

**Please leave a review with any comments and let me know if I should continue this silly story. **

**thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here we go again. Sorry about the delay, but at least it isn't later. If you enjoy reading this attempt at humor, than let me know and I may be able to drag it o-ut another few chapters, otherwise I plan on one more chapter to wrap it up. Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it, and Happy Thursday to those who don't. **

**Note on Content: While I originally planned for this to take place in the trio's third year, I moved it up to second year because I wanted to have Lockhart for this chapter. It probably isn't important to the story line, but that is how it goes. Information on Hogworts staff I retrieved from various locations on the Internets, so it is all absolutely true. **

**Sorry if you tried to read this earlier and it was crazy. I'm not sure what happened, but I hope I fixed it. If not let me know. **

The next Saturday night Minerva found herself transfiguring needles back into matches. After years and years of the same lessons and tasks, she was quite bored. She was also trying to keep herself busy so that she wouldn't be expected at their "Girls Night" again.

To keep things interesting, she laid out several needles on the desks in the transfiguration classroom. Then she put a shield charm on the blackboard. Walking over to the side of the classroom, she sat on one of the desks and commenced bouncing reversal spells off of the blackboard.

It took her a little while to get the hang of it and by the time she had half matches, she was a pro at trick shots. To raise the stakes, she sent the remaining needles to flying around the back of the classroom. Even with them going slow, it was hard to hit those tiny needles while they were flying.

Shooting spell after spell she didn't even notice when the door opened and Albus Dumbledore stepped through.

She jumped a tiny bit when she heard him gasp as one of her spells rebounded off the blackboard and hit him square in the chest.

The needles that were flying around sped up to an alarming speed as she lost concentration.

With a wave of his hand, he stopped all of the needles and neatly set them back on a desk. He smiled as he commented, "If I didn't know better Professor, I would think you were trying to off me."

"If I were," she smarted with a mischievous grin, "I could find an easier way to do it. You have no idea how difficult it is to bank spell off of a blackboard."

"Care to teach me?" he said as he walked over to sit beside the Transfiguration Professor.

As he approached she noticed something peculiar about his robes. "Um, Albus," she paused searching for an appropriate way to handle the situation, "I don't think it is appropriate for you to wander around the castle like that before curfew."

Scratching his beard, he asked with a confused look, "What?"

Unable to hold back her laughter any more she managed to say, "Nice Pajamas, but I don't think they go with your hat."

Doubled over laughing, she almost missed the confounded look on his face when he glanced down and saw that he was wearing pajamas.

"I have to agree with you Minerva," Dumbledore admitted good naturedly, "The hat has to go."

As he said that his hat changed into a night cap that matched his blue and yellow pajamas. They both had a good laugh at that.

After a bit, Albus finally asked, "Tell me my dear, how did my robes turn into pajamas? I distinctly remember wearing robes about ten minutes ago."

"Well," she explained, still snickering, "I was using a reversing spell and it must have reversed your clothing back to the original. So do you just have this one set of pajamas that you wear every day?"

"Do promise not to reveal all of my secrets."

"I won't if you won't," she said indicating the matchsticks and needles strewn across the room.

"It's a deal," Albus confirmed. "It wouldn't do to have the students know that their strict Transfiguration Professor likes to have a little fun now and then. Speaking of which, why are you here rather than in the staff room with the other ladies?"

Albus knew he had said the wrong thing when her smile disappeared, replaced with that stern glare she used on the students. Getting off of the desk, she used her wand to gather the rest of the matches and needles before walking to her teacher's desk and riffling through her papers looking for nothing. "What is it that you wanted Albus? You obviously came here for a reason."

"I thought you enjoyed sharing gossip and drinking with your friends."

Minerva glared over her shoulder at him before she slowly annunciated each word, "I don't want to talk about it right now, so I would appreciate it if you would tell me why you are here in the first place."

He just leaned up against a desk tapping his chin as he pondered her recent change of mind. "Hmm, you didn't…" he trailed off already counting that out.

Minerva went back to looking in her desk and trying to find something to do, or at least look busy.

After five minutes, Albus Dumbledore was still standing there making occasional thinking noises and being altogether annoying.

Eventually she cracked. "If you absolutely have to know then fine, but it is none of your business." Rolling her eyes at the pleased look on his face, she continued, "Last week Madame Hooch and Professor Sprout implied that I was engaged in inappropriate activities with another member of staff. I then refused to participate in their ridicules fairytales. Happy?"

Again looking rather curious, Albus asked, "Lockhart?'

She just glared at him

"Flitwick?"

Glare

"Binns?" He asked raising an eyebrow

"No."

"Hagrid?"

No response

"Filch?"

"Yes." She paused to let that sink in, before saying "No. You are not going to guess so just stop trying."

"I must say I am a bit relieved," Dumbledore sighed. "Is it Snape?

Sighing, she went back to her papers, hoping he would give up.

"Hagrid?"

No Response

"Sir Nicholas?"

Looking up at his she just shook her head and went back to doodling.

"Is this someone male or female?"

"I am not in the mood for twenty questions right now. I suggest you mind your own business and leave me to finish this."

"I guess it probably wasn't a person who was at your little "Girls Night" so that leaves Burbage, or Babbling, or Pince."

"No, No, No, and No to everyone else you guess. You are a terrible gossip Albus."

Thinking out loud, Dumbledore mumbled, "If you don't want me to find out so badly then it must be at least partly true."

"It is not." Minerva spat, trying not to stomp her foot like a child.

"Definitely true," Dumbledore stated, "You must have a broader idea of staff than I do unless you are referring to a house elf. I guessed every other person."

"Yes, its Dobby," She confessed dramatically, "You caught me. You win."

Dumbledore returned, "I do understand sarcasm; I'm just not very good at speaking it. I think it's the accent."

Minerva brought her hands up to cover her face as she desperately tried to contain her laughter. This conversation was just too ridicules.

Albus seemed unaffected as he asked again, "Is it a current staff member?"

Throwing her hands up in the air, she shouted, "You want to know so damn bad, then fine, I'll tell you." Standing up, she walked around until she was standing right in front of him before she continued. "They seemed to think that I might have some advice when it comes to kissing Aberforth because they are under the impression that I DO have experience kissing another wizard who also has a rather sizable beard. Who the hell do you think that is? Well I'll tell you since you can't seem to figure it out on your own. They were talking about YOU!"

Quite out of breath, Minerva waited for a response. When a dumbfounded look was all she got, Minerva stormed out of the classroom slamming the door behind her.

She passed one very unfortunate soul on the way to her quarters. Let's just say that Professor Snape probably will not be seen in public for the next two days.

**Hope you enjoyed it. I am a very big supporter of positive reinforcement (i.e. I write stuff, and you say "Good Job" and give me reviews, favs, or follows). Thanks Again. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Its been an atrociously long time, but here it is. I hope it lives up to your expectations. I really tried to keep things lighthearted, not too sappy, not too angsty. I think this will be the end of this unless I come up with another funny idea that fits. Thanks for everything guys. Even though I don't own Hogwarts or the characters, I have enjoyed writing this story and I hope I keep coming up with new story ideas. **

Minerva had been gone for nearly half an hour before Dumbledore left the classroom.

Making his back to his office, Albus was in a sort of daze. Heading straight for his desk and chair, he didn't notice the disillusioned person who was already occupying his office. Snape ended the disillusionment charm, startling the older wizard as he was in the process of sitting. Dumbledore missed the chair and landed hard on the floor, bumping his head in the process.

Professor Severus Snape, not a fan of foolish dramatics calmly stood and walked around the desk to the mighty Albus Dumbledore struggling to get up while rubbing his head. As condescending as possible, Snape commented, "I thought this type of foolishness was reserved for students."

Back on his feet, Dumbledore tried to come up with a reasonable excuse but stopped short when he noticed Snape's arms were quite a lot shorter than they used to be. "It appears that you have embraced this foolishness yourself Professor Snape."

"This," Snape spat, indicating his shrunken limbs, "Is the work of a very pissed of Minerva McGonagall." When Dumbledore didn't immediately defend his deputy, Snape added, "Since you don't have much to say on the matter, I would wager that this whole thing is your fault, and I suggest you to fix it immediately."

Looking quite put out, Albus tried to explain, "I…I…It wasn't originally my fault. The persons at fault are Professor Sprout and Madame Hooch."

Returning to his desk chair, The Headmaster looked pretty pleased with his counter argument.

"I'm not buying that for a second," Snape retorted. "You were so caught up in whatever happened between you two, that you couldn't even recognize a disillusionment charm."

Unaccustomed to this lecturing from Severus, Dumbledore conceded the point. "Minerva is most likely angry at me right now."

Trying to forget about his tiny appendages, The Potions Professor put on his most frightening glare, before asking, "What are you going to do about it then?"

What was he going to do about it? Minerva had been avoiding her friends since they had harassed her about their close friendship. On most occasions Minerva was a good sport in their little gossip circle, but their most recent comments must have been a little too close to home.

Deciding to take Snape's advice, Dumbledore quickly exited the office while Porfessor Snape was shouting something about fixing his arms first.

Minerva was pacing her quarters still fuming mad. It didn't make much sense, but she decided that she had a right to be angry if she wanted to. After all, the great Albus Dumbledore has just spent twenty minutes pestering her about her personal life just to look at her like she had suddenly grown another head when she had finally provided the pertinent information.

Hexing Snape had helped a bit. It probably wasn't called for, but he was in the way and most likely deserved it for another reason anyway.

She finally sat down in front of the fireplace, a small smile appeared as she remembered the look on Severus's face.

Closing her eyes for a moment she sighed before calling for tea. Soon there was a steaming cup of tea in her hands.

Minerva almost spilt her tea as a knock at the door caused her to jump slightly.

Putting her tea down, she walked over to the door almost opening it before she called, "Can I help you?"

There was a pause before the person on the other side of the door returned, "May I come in?"

Slumping against the wall, Minerva couldn't think of anyone she would rather not entertain at the moment. Calmly she answered, "No."

It was quiet and she thought Dumbledore might have left. Still leaning against the wall, Minerva was shocked when a very quiet voice asked, "Do you wish there was truth in their accusations?"

Sadly, Minerva answered, "It doesn't matter."

"That is not an acceptable answer," Albus informed her quite boldly.

Quietly as possible, Minerva tried again, "Yes, I wanted it to be true."

Sounding quite full of himself, Dumbledore ordered, "Open the door Witch."

What was going on with him? Albus Dumbledore never talked to her like that and she wasn't going to let him get away with it now.

Flinging the door open, Minerva McGonagall challenged, "How dare you…"

Quickly crossing the space between them, Albus cut off the end of her sentence with a very long awaited kiss.

Shocked, Minerva was disappointed that it was over before she even had a chance to reciprocate, but pleased that his hands were still on her waist.

Smiling still, Minerva continued, "I suggest you not use those words with that tone again."

"Why," Dumbledore asked, not moving. "Did you dislike the outcome."

Minerva glared unconvincingly as she swatted his arm.

"You are beautiful when you're angry."

Grinning mischievously, Minerva asked, "Care for a game of chess?"

With a confused look from Albus, Minerva leaned in for another kiss surprised to find that his beard did tickle just a bit.

The End

**Please leave a review if you have made it this far. I appreciate any kind of feedback. Its been fun and I look forward to next time. **


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